^^^ 


MURPHY 
Three  Weeks  After  Marriage 


FRENCH'S    STANDARD     DRAMA. 

No.  LXIV. 


THREE  WEEKS  AFTER 

MARRIAGE 

IN      TWO      ACTS. 

BY     ARTHUR     MURPHY. 


WITH    THE    STAGE    BUSINESS,    CAST    OF    CHARACTERS 
COST  JiMES,  RELATIVE  POSITIONS,  ETC. 


NEW-YORK  : 
SAMUEL    FRENCH, 

la      WASSA5.-SXKS:E'r. 

^^^CE.  i2i  CENTS. 


CAST  OP  CHARACTERS. 

Drury  Lane.  Park,  1847.  Broadway,  1848. 

Sir  Charles  Racket  .  Mr.  Kllistoii.  Wr.  G.  Barrett.  Mr.  BarretU 

Drugget "     Dowton.  "     Bass.  "     Vachi. 

IVoudiey "     Viniug.  "     McDouall  "     Kiiigsley.' 

Lady  Racket Mr.s.  Edwin.  Mrs.  Hunt.  Miss  Telbin. 

Mrs.  Drugget "     Harlow.  "     Vpriion.  Mrs.  Winstanley. 

Nancy •'     Hughes  Miss  Gordon.  "     Sergeant. 

Dimity "     Orger.  Mrs.  DyotU  "    Watts. 


COSTUMES. 

STR  CHARLES  RACKET.— Blue  coat,  white  waistcoat  and  breeches. 
DRUGGET. — Brown  coat,  flowered  .^ilk  waistcoat,  black  velvet  breeches. 
WUOHLEV  — Blue  coal,  white  waistcoat,  and  buff  breeches. 
LADY  RACKET.— White  satin  dress,  trimmed  with  silver. 

MK8.  DRUGGET Brown  silk  gown,  white  satin  quilted  petticoat,  muslin  aproB 

and  liaiui kerchief. 
NANCY.— White  muslin  frock. 
DIMITY. — A  smart  coloured  gown,  black  silk  apron. 


EXITS  AND  ENTRANCES. 

R.  means  Right;    L.  Left;    R.  D.  Right  Door;    L.  D.  Left  Door; 
S.  E.  Second  Entrance;  U.  E.  Upper  Entrance;  M.  D.  Middle  Door, 

RELATIVE  POSITIONS. 

R.,  means  Right;   L.,  Left ;   C,  Centre  ;    R.  C,  Right  of  Centre; 
L   C,  Left  of  Centre. 


Pr.asages  ma~ked  Kith  Inverted  Commas  are  usually  omitted  in  the 
Representation. 


P'^  LIBRAUY 

"^^Ob  LWVKUsi  rv  OF  CALiFonr 

/\/R   T^  SA.M  A  BAKBARA 


EDITOllIAL    INTRODUCTION 

This  amusing  Comedietta,  although  exclusively  a  production 
of  the  "  old  school,"  retains  its  place  upcn  the  stage,  despite  the 
mutations  of  public  taste,  that  has  consigned  to  oblivion  most 
of  the  sterling  pieces  which  were  the  favourite  entertainments  of 
our  ancestors. 

"  Three  Weeks  After  Marriage,"  is  from  the  pen  of  Arthur 
Murphy,  Esq.,  a  prolific  and  successful  Dramatic  author  of  the 
•ast  century.  Murphy  was  born  near  Elphin,  in  the  county  of 
Roscommon,  Ireland,  Dec.  27,  1730 ;  he  was  educated  at  St. 
Omer's.  On  leaving  college,  he  entered  a  mercantile  office  in 
London ;  but  a  taste  for  theatricals  led  him  to  venture  upon  the 
arduous  life  of  a  Player.  His  success  was  but  moderate,  and 
after  a  probation  of  a  few  months  he  relinquished  the  pursuit, 
and  became  the  Editor  of  a  political  paper  called  the  "  Test ;" 
he  also  engaged  as  a  writer  in  the  famous  "  North  Briton,"  and 
likewise  published  a  weekly  periodical  called  the  "  Auditor." 
In  addition  to  these  literary  occupations,  he  became  a  Dramatic 
author. 

"  The  "Way  to  Keep  Him  ;"  "  All  in  the  Wrong  ;"  "  Know 
your  own  Mind  ;"  "  The  Old  Maid  ;"  "  The  Apprentice  ;"  the 
Tragedy  of  the  "  Grecian  Daughter,"  and  "  Three  Weeks  after 
Marriage,"  may  be  considered  as  standard  productions.  They 
etill  hold  a  place  in  the  stock  lists  of  acting  plays. 

The  capricious  taste  of  the  public  condemned  this  lively  little 
comedy,  on  its  first  representation  in  1764,  under  the  title  of 
"  What  we  must  all  come  to  ;"  but  in  1775,  Mr.  Lewis,  the 
celebrated  high  comedian,  produced  it  for  his  benefit,  with  its 
present  name,  and  it  became  at  once  an  established  stock 
favourite. 

The  merit  of  this  piece  does  not  consist  in  dramatic  incidents 
and  overwrought  farcical  situation,  but  is  indebted  to  the  delinea 


IT  EDITORIAL    INTRODUCTION. 

tion  of  character  and  a  sprightly  dialogue  for  its  success.  It 
can  scarcely  be  classed  in  the  rank  of  a  farce,  for  in  the  point 
and  finish  of  its  language,  it  might  rank  as  a  comedy. 

It  is  also  a  graphic  picture  of  the  manners  of  the  last  century, 
somewhat  caricatured,  perhaps,  yet  not  so  much  as  to  destroy 
its  actual  resemblance  to  the  classes  of  society,  of  which  the 
Dramatis  Personae  are  supposed  to  be  the  representative.  The 
vulgarity  and  simplicity  of  Drugget  and  his  wife,  found  their 
original,  in  actual  life  at  that  period,  among  the  retired  "cits" 
of  London ;  and  the  fashionable  Sir  Charles  Racket,  and  his 
equally  "  tonnish"  lady,  may  be  considered  fair  specimens  of  the 
leaders  of  fashion  of  that  period. 

"  Three  Weeks  After  Marriage,"  affords  ample  display  for 
the  talents  of  the  actors.  It  was  delightfully  played  at  the 
Park  a  season  or  two  since.  Mr.  George  Barrett  was  inimitably 
fine  in  Sir  Charles — flippant,  yet  gentlemanly ;  and  Mrs. 
Bland,  in  Lady  Racket,  ably  supported  the  broad  good- 
humoured  vulgarity  of  Bass,  in  Old  Drugget,  and  will  be  re- 
membered with  delight  by  every  play-goer  ;  whilgt  Mrs.  Vernon 
was  the  very  beau  ideal  of  the  simple-hearted,  affectionate,  but 
ignorant  Mrs.  Drugget.  H. 


THREE  WEEKS  AFTER  MARRIAGE. 


A  C  T    I. 

Scene  I. — A  Room. 
Enter  WooDLRY  and  Dimity,  l. 

Dim.  Poll  !  poll ! — no  such  thing,  Ttell  you,  Mi\  Wood 
ley  ;  you  are  a  mere  novice  in  these  aHUiis. 

Wood.  Nay,  but  listen  to  reason,  Mrs.  Dimity  ; — has 
not  your  master.  Mr,  Drugget,  invited  me  d<nvn  to  his 
c<Hintry  seat,  in  order  to  give  me  his  daughter  Nancy  in 
marriage  ;   and  witii  what  pretence  can  he  now  break  off? 

Dim.  What  pretence  ! — you  put  a  body  out  of  all  pa- 
tience— But  go  on  your  own  way,  sir ;  my  advice  is  all 
lost  upon  you, 

Wood.  You  do  me  injustice,  Mrs.  Dimity — your  advice 
has  governed  my  whole  conduct.  Have  not  1  fixed  an 
interest  in  the  young  lady's  heart  ] 

Dim.  An  interest  in  a  fiddlestick! — you  ought  to  have 
made  love  to  the  father  and  mother  ! — What,  do  you  think 
the  way  to  get  a  wife,  at  this  time  of  day,  is  by  speaking 
fine  things  to  the  lady  you  have  a  fancy  for? — That  was 
tlie  practice,  indeed  ;  but  things  are  altered  now  : — you 
must  address  the  old  jieople,  sir;  aiid  never  trouble  your 
head  about  your  mistress. — None  of  your  letteis,  and 
verses,  and  soft  looks,  and  fine  speeches, — "  Have  com- 
j)assion,  thou  angelic  creature,  on  a  poor  dying" — Pshaw' 
sturi"!  nonsense!  all  out  of  fasliion  ! — Cio  your  ways  to 
the  old  curmudgeon  ;  humour  his  whims — "  I  shall  esteem 
it  an  honour,  sir,  t  >  be  allied  to  a  gentleman  of  y(»ur  rank 
and  aste." — "  Upon  my  word,  lie's  a  pretty  young  gen- 
tleman."— Theii    wheel    about    to   the    mother :     "  Your 


8  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  [Act  1 

daughter,  ma'am,  is  the  very  model  of  you,  and  I  shall 
adore  her  for  your  sake." — "  Here,  come  hither,  Nancy, 
take  this  gentleman  for  Ijotter  or  worse."  "  La,  mamma,  I 
can  never  consent  !" — "1  should  ncjthave  thought  of  your 
consent — the  consent  of  your  relations  is  enough  :  why, 
now  now,  hussey  !"  So  away  you  go  to  church,  the  knot 
IS  tied,  an  agreeable  honeymoon  follows,  the  charm  is  then 
dissolved  ;  you  go  to  all  the  clubs  in  St.  James's  street  : 
your  lady  goes  to  the  Coterie  ;  and,  in  a  little  time,  you 
Doth  go  to  Doctors'  Commons  !  and,  if  faults  on  both  sides 
prevent  a  divorce,  you'll  quarrel  like  contrary  elements  all 
fhe  rest  of  your  lives:   That's  the  way  of  the  world  now. 

Wood.  But  you  know,  my  dear  Dimity,  the  old  couple 
nave  received  every  mark  of  attention  from  me. 

Di?ri.  Attention  !  to  be  sure  you  did  not  fall  asleep  in 
dieir  company  ;  but  what  then  ]  You  should  have  en- 
tered into  their  oharacters,  played  with  their  humours, 
and  saciillced  to  their  absurdities. 

Wood.  But  if  my  temper  is  too  frank — 
Di/n.  Frank,  indeed  !  yes,  you  have  been  frank  enough 
to  ruin  yourself. — Have  you  not  to  do  with  a  rich  old 
shopkeeper,  retired  from  business  with  an  hundred  thou- 
sand pounds  in  his  pocket,  to  enjoy  the  dust  of  the  Lon- 
don load,  which  he  calls  living  in  the  country—and  yet 
you  must  find  fault  with  his  situation  ! — What  if  he  has 
made  a  ridiculous  gimcrack  of  his  house  and  gardens,  you 
know  his  heart  is  set  upon  it ;  and  could  not  you  com- 
mend his  taste  1  But  you  must  be  too  frank  ! — "  Those 
walks  and  alleys  are  too  regular, — those  evergreens  should 
not  be  cut  into  such  fantastic  shapes," — and  thus  you  ad- 
vise a  poor  old  mechanic,  who  delights  in  everything  that's 
monstrous,  to  follow  nature  ! — Oh,  you  are  likely  to  be  a 
successful  lover ! 

Wood.  But  why  should  I  not  save  a  father-in-law  from 
being  a  laughing-stock  1 

Vim.  Make  him  your  father-in-law  first. 

Wood.  Why,  he  can't  open  his  windows  for  the  dust- 
he  stands  all  day  looking  through  a  pane  of  glass,  at  the 
carts  and  stage  coaches  as  they  pass  by  ;  and  he  calls  that 
living  in  the  fresh  air,  and  enjoying  his  own  thcughts  1 

Dim.  And  could  you  not  let  him  go  on  his  own  way  ? 
You  have  ruined  yourself  by  talking  sense  to  him  ;  and 


Scene  I.]  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  9 

all  your  nonsense  to  the  daughter  won't  make  amends  for 
it.  And  then  the  mother:  how  have  you  played  youi 
caids  in  that  quarter  1 — She  w^nts  a  tinsel  man  of  fashion 
for  her  second  daughter — "  Don't  you  see,"  says  she, 
"  how  happy  my  eldest  girl  is  made  by  marrying  Sii* 
Charles  Racket  1  She  has  been  mariied  three  entire 
weeks,  and  not  so  much  as  one  angry  word  has  passed 
between  them. — Nancy  shall  have  a  man  of  quality,  too  !" 

Wood.  And  yet  I  know  Sir  Charles  Racket  perfectly 
well. 

Ditn.  Yes,  so  do  I  ;  and  I  know  he'll  make  his  lady 
wretched  at  last — but  what  then  1  You  should  have  hu- 
moured the  old  folks, — you  should  have  been  a  talking, 
empty  fop,  to  the  good  old  lad)'- ;  and  to  the  old  gentleman, 
an  admirer  of  his  taste  in  gardening.  But  you  have  lost 
him — he  is  grown  fond  of  his  beau  Lovelace,  who  is  here 
in  the  house  with  him  :  the  coxcomb  ingratiates  himself 
by  flattery,  and  you  are  undone  by  frankness. 

Wood.  And  yet.  Dimity,  I  won't  despair. 
Di?}i.  And  yet  you  have  reason  to  despair  ;  a  million 
of  reasons.  To-morrow  is  fixed  for  the  wedding-day  ;  Sir 
Charles  and  his  lady  are  to  be  here  this  very  night — they 
are  engaged,  indeed,  at  a  great  rout  in  town,  but  they 
take  a  bed  here,  notwithstanding  ;  the  family  is  sitting  up 
for  them;  Mr.  Drugget  will  keep  you  all  up  in  the  next 
room  there,  till  they  arrive ;  and  to-morrow  the  business 
is  over — and  yet  you  don't  despair!  Hush  ! — hold  your 
tongue  ;  here  comes  Lovelace.  Step  in,  and  I'll  advise 
something,  I  warrant  you.  [Exit  Woodlci/,  m.  d.]  The  old 
folks  shall  not  have  their  own  way  ; — 'tis  enough  to  vex 
a  body,  to  see  an  old  father  and  mother  marrying  their 
daughter  as  they  please,  in  spite  of  all  1  can  do. 

[Exit,  M.  D. 

Enter  Drugget  and  Lovelace,  l. 

Drug.  And  so  you  like  my  house  and  gardens,  Mi*. 
Lovelace  ] 

Love.  Oh !  perfectly,  sir ;  they  gi^atify  my  taste  of  all 
things.  One  sees  villas  where  nature  reigns  in  a  wild 
kind  of  simplicity  ;  but  then  they  have  no  appearance  of 
art, — no  art  at  all. 

Drug.  Very  true,  rightly  distinguished  ; — now  mine  ia 
all  art ;  no  wild  if  ature  here  ;   I  did  it  myself. 


10  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  [Act  I 

Love.  What  !  had  you  none  of  the  great  proficients  in 
ganleiiing  to  assist  you  '? 

Drug.  Lack-a-clay  !  no, — ha!  ha!  I  understand  these 
things  : — I  \o\q  my  garden.  The  front  of  my  house,  Mr. 
Lovelace — is  not  that  very  pretty  ? 

Love.  Elegant  to  a  degree  ! 

Drug.  Don't  you  like  the  sun-dial,  placed  just  by  my 
dining-room  windows  ? 

Love.  A  perfect  beauty  ! 

Drug.  I  knew  you'd  like  it ;  and  the  motto  is  so  well 
adapted. —  Tcinpus  cdax  and  index  rerum.  And  1  know 
the  meaning  of  it : — Time  eateth  and  discovereth  all 
things, — ha  !  ha  !  pretty,  Mr,  Lovelace  ! — I  have  seen 
people  so  stare  at  it  as  they  pass  by, — ha  !   ha! 

Love.  Why,  now,  I  don't  believe  there's  a  nobleman  in 
the  kingdom  has  such  a  thing. 

Drug.  Oh,  no  ; — they  have  got  into  a  false  taste.  I 
bought  that  bit  of  ground  the  other  side  of  the  road, — and 
it  looks  very  pretty. — 1  made  a  duck-pond  there,  for  the 
Bake  of  the  prospect. 

Love.  Charmingly  imagined  ! 

Drug.  My  leaden  images  are  w^ell — 

Love.   They  exceed  ancient  statuary. 

Drug.  I  love  to  be  surprised  at  tlie  turning  of  a  walk 
with  an  inanimate  figure,  that  looks  you  full  in  the  face, 
and  can  say  nothing  to  you,  while  one  is  enjoying  one's 
own  thoughts — ha!  ha! — Mr.  Lovelace,  I'll  point  out  a 
beauty  to  you.  Just  by  the  haw-haw,  at  the  end  of  my 
ground,  there  is  a  fine  Dutch  figure  with  a  scythe  in- his 
hand,  and  a  pipe  in  his  mouth  ; — that's  a  jewel,  Mr.  Love- 
lace. 

Love.  That  escaped  me  :  a  thousand  thanks  for  point- 
ing it  out — I  observe  you  have  two  very  fine  yew-trees 
before  the  house. 

Drug.  Lack-a-day,  sir,  they  look  uncouth  ; — I  have  a 
design  about  them  : — I  intend, — ha!  ha!  it  will  be  very 
pretty,  Mr.  Lovelace — I  intend  to  have  them  cut  into  the 
shape  of  the  two  giants  at  Guildhall — ha!  ha  ! 

Love.  Nobody  understands  these  things  like  you,  Mr. 
Drugget. 

Drug.  Lack-a-day  !  it's  all  my  delight  now ; — this  is 
wliat  I  have   been  working  for.     I  have  a  great  improve- 


8c£N£  I.]  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  1 1 

ment  to  make  still, — T  propose  to  have  my  evergreens  cut 
into  fortifications;  and  then  1  shall  have  the  Moro  Castle, 
and  the  Havanna  ;  and  then  near  it  shall  be  ships  of  myr- 
tle, sailing  upon  seas  of  box  to  attack  the  town  :  won't 
that  make  my  place  look  very  rural,  Mr.  Lovelace  ? 

Love.  Why,  you  have  the  most  fertile  invention,  Mr. 
Drugget — 

Drug.  Ha  !  ha  !  this  is  what  I  have  been  working  for. 
I  love  my  garden, — but  I  must  beg  your  pardon  for  a  few- 
moments  ; — I  must  step  and  speak  with  a  famous  nursery- 
man, who  is  come  to  offer  me  some  choice  things. — Do  go 
and  join  the  company,  Mr.  Lovelace, — my  daughter  Rack- 
et and  k5ir  Charles  will  be  here  presently  ; — I  shan't  go 
to  bed  till  I  see  'em — ha  !  ha  ! — My  place  is  prettily  va- 
riegated,— this  is  what  I  have  been  working  for; — I  fined 
for  sheriff  to  enjoy  these  things — ha  !   ha  !  [Exit,  r. 

Love.  Poor  Mr.  Drugget !  Mynheer  Van  Thunderten- 
trunck,  in  his  little  box  at  the  side  of  a  dyke,  has  as  much 
taste  and  elegance. — However,  if  I  can  but  carry  off  his 
daughter,  if  I  can  but  rob  his  garden  of  that  flower — wliy 
I  then  shall  say,  "  This  is  what  1  have  been  working  for.'' 

Enter  Dimity,  m.  d. 

Dim.  Do  lend  us  your  assistance,  Mr.  Lovelace  ; — 
you're  a  sweet  gentleman,  and  love  a  good-natured  action. 

Love.   Why,  how  now  !  what's  the  matter  ] 

Di7n.  My  master  is  going  to  cut  the  two  yew-trees  into 
the  shape  of  two  devils,  1  believe;  and  my  poor  mistress 
is  breaking  her  heart  for  it.  Do  loin  and  advise  him 
against  it  ; — she  is  your  friend,  you  know  she  is,  sir. 

Love.  Oh,  if  that's  all, — I'll  make  that  matter  easy  di- 
lectly. 

Di^n.  My  mistress  will  be  for  ever  obliged  to  you  ;  and 
you'll  marry  her  daughter  in  the  morning. 

Love.  Oh,  my  rhetoric  shall  dissuade  him. 

Dim.  And,  sir,  put  him  against  dealing  with  that  nur- 
eeryman  ;   Mrs.  Drugget  hates  him. 

Love.  Does  she  ? 
'   Dm.  Mortally. 

Love.  Say  no  more — the  business  is  done.       [Exit,  r. 

Dim.  If  he  says  one  word,  old  Drugget  will  never  for- 
give him. — My  brain  was  at  its  last  shift ;  but  if  this  jjlot 
takes — So,  here  comes  our  Nancy. 


12  THREE  WEEKS  AFTER  MARRI.iGE.       [Act  1. 

Enter  Nancy,  l. 

Nan.  Well,  Dimity,  what's  to  become  of  me  ? 

Dim.  My  stars  !  what  makes  you  up,  Miss  ? — I  thought 
you  were  gone  to  bed  ! 

Nan.  What  should  I  go  to  bed  for  1  Only  to  tumble 
and  toss,  and  fret,  and  be  uneasy — they  are  going  to 
marry  me,  and  I  am  frightened  out  of  my  wits  ! 

Dim.  Why,  then,  you're  the  only  young  lady  within 
fifty  miles  round,  that  would  be  frightened  at  such  a  thing. 

Nan.  Ah  !   if  they  would  let  me  choose  for  myself. 

Dim.  Don't  you  like  Mr.  Lovelace  1 

Nan.  My  mamma  does,  but  I  don't  !  I  don't  mind  his 
being  a  man  of  fashion,  not  I. 

Dim.  And,  pray,  can  you  do  better  than  follow  the 
fashion  1 

Nan.  Ah  !  I  know  there  is  a  fashion  for  new  bonnets, 
and  a  fashion  for  dressing  the  hair; — but  I  never  heard 
of  a  fashion  for  the  lieart. 

Di7n.  Why,  then,  my  dear,  the  heart  mostly  follows  the 
fashion  now. 

Nan.  Does  it? — pray,  who  sets  the  fashion  of  the  heart? 

Di7n.  All  the  fine  ladies  in  London,  o'  my  conscience. 

Nan.  And  what's  the  last  new  fashion,  pray  1 

Dim.  Why,  to  marry  any  fop  that  has  a  few  deceitfiil 
agreeable  appearances  about  him  ;  something  of  a  pert 
phrase,  a  good  operator  for  the  teeth,  and  a  tolerable 
tailor. 

Nan.  And  do  they  marry  without  loving  ? 

Di7n.  Oh  !  marrying  for  love  has  been  a  gi'eat  while 
out  of  fashion. 

Nan.  Why,  then,  I'll  wait  till  that  fashion  comes  up 
ELgain. 

Dim.  And  then,  Mr.  Lovelace,  I  reckon — 

Nan.  Pshaw  !  I  don't  like  him  :  he  talks  to  me  as  if  ho 
was  the  most  miserable  man  in  the  world,  and  the  confi- 
dent thing  looks  so  pleased  with  himself  all  the  while. — • 
I  want  to  miirry  for  love,  and  not  for  card-playing — I 
should  not  be  able  to  bear  the  life  my  sister  leads  with 
Sir  Charles  Racket — and  I'll  forfeit  my  new  cap,  if  they 
don't  quan-el  soon. 

Dim.  Oh,  fie  !   no !  they  won't  quarrel  yet   awhile. — A 


Scene  I.  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  13 

quarrel  in   three   weeks   after  marriage,  would  be  s  ime- 
what  of  the  quickest — By  and  by  we  shall  hear  of  their 
whims  and  their  humours — Well,  but  if  you  don't  like  Mr. 
Lovelace,  what  say  you  to  Mr.  Woodley  ? 
Nan.  Ah  !   1  don't  know  what  to  say. 

Enter  Woodley,  m.  d. 

Wood.  My  sweetest  angel !  I  have  heard  all,  and  my 
heart  ovei-flovvs  with  love  and  gratitude. 

Nan.  Ah  !  but  I  did  not  know  you  was  listening.  You 
should  not  have  betrayed  me  so,  Dimity :  I  shall  be  angry 
with  you. 

Dim.  Well,  I'll  take  my  chance  for  that. — Run  both 
into  my  room,  and  say  all  your  pretty  things  to  one  an- 
other there,  for  here  comes  the  old  gentleman — make 
haste  away.  [Exeunt  Woodley  and  Nancy,  m.  d. 

Enter  Drugget,  r. 

Drug.  A  forward,  pi-esuming  coxcomb  ! — Dimity,  do 
you  step  to  Mrs.  Drugget,  and  send  her  hither. 

Dim.  Yes,  sir; — it  works  upon  him,  I  see.      [Exit,  l. 

Drug.  The  yew-trees  ought  not  to  be  cut,  because 
they'll  help  to  keep  off"  the  dust,  and  1  am  too  near  the 
road  already — a  sorry,  ignorant  fop  ! — When  I  am  in  so 
fine  a  situation,  and  can  see  every  carriage  that  goes  by. 
And  then  to  abuse  the  nurseryman's  rarities  ! — A  liner 
sucking  pig  in  lavender,  with  sage  growing  in  his  belly, 
was  never  seen  ! — And  yet  he  wants  me  not  to  have  it — 
But  have  it  I  will. — There's  a  fine  tree  of  knowledge,  too, 
with  Adacn  and  Eve  in  juniper ;  Eve's  nose  is  not  quite 
grown,  but  it  is  thought  in  the  spring  will  be  very  forward 
— I'll  have  that,  too,  with  the  serpent  in  ground  ivy — two 
poets  in  wormwood — I'll  have  them  both.  Ay  ;  and  there's 
a  Lord  Mayor's  feast  in  honey-suckle  ;  and  the  whole 
Court  of  Aldermen  in  hornbeain  :  they  all  shall  be  in  my 
gaiden,  with  the  Dragon  of  Wantley,  in  box — all — all — • 
I'll  have  'em  all,  let  my  wife  and  Mr.  Lovelace  say  what 
they  will — 

Enter  Mrs.  Drugget,  l. 

]\Irs.  D.  Did  you  send  for  me,  lovey  ? 

Drug.  The  yew-trees  shall  be  cut  into  the  gianti;  of 
Guildhall,  whether  you  will  or  not. 


14  THREE    WEEKS    AFrER    MARRIAGE,  [Act  I. 

Mrs.  D.  Sure,  my  own  dear  will  do  as  he  pleases. 

Drug.  And  the  pond,  though  you  praise  the  green 
banks,  shall  be  walled  round,  and  I'll  have  a  little  fat  boy 
in  marble,  spouting  up  water  in  the  middle. 

Mrs.  D.  My  sweet,  who  hinders  you  ] 

Drug.  Yes,  and  I'll  buy  the  nurseryman's  whole  cata- 
logue ; — Do  you  think,  after  retiring  to  live  all  the  way 
here,  almost  four  miles  from  London,  that  I  won't  do  as 
I  please  in  my  own  garden  1 

Mrs.  D.  My  dear,  but  why  are  you  in  such  a  passion  1 

Drug.  I'll  have  the  lavender  pig,  and  the  Adam  and 
Eve,  and  the  Dragon  of  VVantley,  and  all  of  'em — and 
there  shan't  be  a  more  romantic  spot  on  the  London  road 
than  mine. 

Mrs.  D.  I'm  sure  it's  as  pretty  as  hands  can  make  it. 

Drug.  I  did  it  all  myself,  and  I'll  do  more — And  Mr. 
Lovelace  shan't  have  my  daughter. 

Mrs.  D.  No  !  what's  the  matter  now,  Mr.  Dragget  ? 

Drug.  He  shall  learn  better  manners  than  to  abuse  my 
house  and  gardens. — -You  put  him  in  the  head  of  it,  but 
I'll  disappoint  you  both — And  so  you  may  go  and  tell  Mr. 
Lovelace  that  the  match  is  quite  off. 

Mrs.  D.  I  can't  comprehend  all  this,  not  I, — but  I'll 
tell  him  so,  if  you  please,  my  dear — I  am  willing  to  give 
myself  pain,  if  it  will  give  you  pleasure  :  must  I  give  my- 
self pain  / — Don't  ask  me,  pray  don't: — I  don't  like  pain. 

Drug.   1  am  resolved,  and  it  shall  be  so. 

M7-S.  D.  Let  it  be  so,  then.  [Cries.'\  Oh!  oh!  cruel 
man  !  I  shall  break  my  heart  if  the  match  is  broke  off; — 
if  it  is  not  concluded  to-morrow,  send  for  an  undertaker, 
and  bury  me  the  next  day. 

Drue.  How  !  I  don't  want  that,  neither — 

Mr^.D.  Oh  !  oh  !— 

Drug.  I  am  your  lord  and  master,  my  dear,  but  not 
your  executioner — Before  George,  it  must  never  be  said, 
that  my  wife  died  of  too  much  compliance — Cheer  up, 
my  love — and  this  affair  shall  be  settled  as  soon  as  Sir 
Charles  and  Lady  Racket  anive. 

Mrs.  D.  You  bring  me  to  life  again — You  know,  my 
Bweet,  what  a  happy  couple  Sir  Chai'les  and  his  lady  are 
— Why  should  not  we  make  our  Nancy  as  happy  1 


Seira  I.J  THREE    WEEKS   AFTER    MARRIAGE.  15 

Enter  Dimity,  r. 

Dim.  Sir  Charles  and  his  lady,  ma'am. 

Mrs.  D.  Oh  !  charming !  I'm  transported  with  joy  !— 
Where  are  they  1  I  long  to  see  'em  !  [Exit,  r. 

Dim.   Well,  sir ;  the  happy  couple  are  arrived. 

Drug.  Yes,  they  do  live  happy,  indeed. 

Dim.   But  how  long  will  it  last  I 

Drvg.  How  long  !  don't  forebode  any  ill,  you  jade  ! — 
don't,  1  say — it  will  last  during  their  lives,  I  hope. 

Dim.  Well,  maik  the  end  of  it — Sir  Charles,  I  know, 
is  gay  and  good,  humoured — but  he  can't  bear  the  least 
contradiction,  no,  not  in  the  merest  trifle. 

Drug.  Hold  your  tongue — hold  your  tongue. 

Dim.  Yes,  sir,  I  have  done: — and  yet  there  is  in  the 
composition  of  Sir  Chai'les  a  certain  humour,  which,  like 
the  flying  gout,  gives  no  disturbance  to  the  family  till  it 
settles  iti  the  head ; — When  once  it  fixes  there,  mercy  on 
everybody  about  him  !   but  here  he  comes  !         [Exit,  l. 

Enter  Sir  Charlf,.s,  r. 

Sir  C.  My  dear  sir,  I  kiss  your  hand — but  why  stand 
on  ceremony  ?  To  find  you  up  thus  late,  mortifies  mo 
beyond  expression. 

Drug.  'Tis  but  once  in  a  way.  Sir  Charles. 

Sir  C.  My  obligations  to  you  are  inexpressible  ;  you 
have  given  me  the  most  amiable  of  girls  ;  our  tempers 
accoid  like  unisons  in  music. 

Drug.  Ah  !  that's  what  makes  me  happy,  in  my  old 
days ;  my  child'-en  and  my  garden  are  all  my  care. 

Sir  C.  And.  my  friend  Lovelace — he  is  to  have  our 
Bister  Nancy,  I  find. 

Drug.  Why,  my  wife  is  so  minded. 

Sir  C.  Oh  !  by  all  means,  let  her  be  made  happy — A 
very  pretty  fellow,  Lovelace — And  as  to  that  Mr. —  Wood- 
ley,  I  think  you  call  him — he  is  but  a  plain,  underbred, 
ill-fashioned  sort  of  a — nobody  knows  him  ! — he  is  not  one 
of  us. — Oh,  by  all  means,  marry  her  to  one  of  us. 

[Crosses  to  l. 

Drug.  I  believe  it  must  be  so. — Would  you  take  any 
refreshment] 

Si/  C.  Nothing  in  nature, — it  is  time  to  retire. 


16  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER,    MARRIAGE.  [Act  I 

Drug.  "Well,  well !  good  night,  ll:ien,  Sir  Charles — Ha! 
here  comes  my  daughter. — Good  night,  Sir  Charles. 

Sir  C,  Bon  repos. 

Drug.  [Goi?ig  out,  R.J  My  Lady  Racket,  I'm  glad  to 
hear  how  happy  you  are  ;  I  won't  detain  you  now — there's 
your  good  man  waiting  for  you — good  night,  my  girl. 

Sir  C.  1  must  humour  this  old  putt,  in  order  to  be  re- 
membered in  his  will. 

Enter  Lady  Racket,  r. 

Lady  R.  Oh,  la! — I'm  quite  fatigued  ; — I  can  hardly 
move ; — why  don't  you  help  me,  you  barbarous  man  ? 

Sir  C.  There  ;  take  my  arm — "  Was  ever  thing  so 
pretty  made  to  walk  1" 

Lady  R.  But  I  won't  be  laughed  at — I  don't  love  you  ! 

Sir  a  Don't  you  ? 

Lady  R.  No — dear  me  !  this  glove  !  why  don't  you 
help  me  off  with  my  glove  ?  Pshaw!  you  awkward  thing, 
let  it  alone  ;  you  an't  fit  to  be  about  me  ;  I  might  as  well 
not  be  married,  for  any  use  you  are  of — reach  me  a  chair 
— you  have  no  compassion  for  me — I  am  so  glad  to  sit 
down — why  do  you  drag  me  to  routs  ? — You  know  I  hate 
them  ! 

Sir  C.  Oh  !  there's  no  existing,  no  breathing,  unless 
one  does  as  other  people  of  fashion  do. 

Lady  R.  But  I'm  out  of  humour;  I  lost  all  my  money. 

Sir  C.  How  much  ? 

Lady  R.  Three  hundred. 

Sir  C.  Never  fret  for  that — I  don't  value  three  hun- 
dred pounds  to  contribute  to  your  happiness. 

Lady  R.  Don't  you  1 — not  value  three  hundred  pounds 
to  pleasure  me  ? 

Sir  C.  You  know  I  don't! 

Lady  R.  Ah  !  you  fond  fool — But  I  hate  gaming — It 
almost  metamorphoses  a  woman  into  a  fury — Do  you 
know,  that  I  was  frightened  at  myself  several  times  to 
night? — I  had  a  huge  oath  at  the  very  tip  of  my  tongue  ! 

Sir  C.  Had  ye  ? 

Lady  R.  I  caught  myself  at  it — and  so  I  bit  my  lips-^ 
and  then  I  was  crammed  up  in  a  coi'ner  of  the  room  with 
such  a  strange  party  at  a  whist-table,  looking  at  black 
and  red  spots — did  you  mind  them  1 


SciifE  I.J  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  17 

Sir  C.  You  know  I  was  busy  elsewhere. 

Lady  R.  There  was  that  strange,  unaccountable  wo- 
man, Mrs.  Nightshade. — She  behaved  so  strangely  to  her 
husband,  a  poor,  inoffensive,  good-natured,  good  sort  of  a 
good-for-nothing  man, — but  she  so  teazed  him, — "How 
could  you  play  that  card  ? — Ah,  you've  a  head,  and  so  has 
a  pin — You're  a  numscull,  you  know  you  are — Ma'am, 
he  has  the  poorest  head  in  the  world ;  he  does  not  know 
what  he  is  about,  you  know  you  don't — Ah,  fie !  I'm 
ashamed  of  you  !" 

Sir  C  She  has  sen'ed  to  divert  you,  I  see. 

Ladij  R.  And  then,  to  crown  all — there  was  my  Lady 
Clackit,  who  runs  on  with  an  eternal  volubility  of  nothing, 
out  of  all  season,  time,  and  place — In  the  veiy  midst  of 
the  game  she  begins — "  Lard,  ma'am,  I  was  apprehensive 
I  should  not  be  able  to  wait  on  your  la'ship — my  poor 
little  dog,  Pompey — the  sweetest  thing  in  tlie  world — a 
spade  led  ! — there's  the  knave — I  was  fetching  a  walk, 
me'm,  the  other  morning  in  the  Park — a  fine  frosty  morn- 
ing it  was — 1  love  frosty  weather  of  all  things — let  me 
look  at  the  last  trick — and  so,  me'm,  little  Pompey — and 
if  your  la'ship  was  to  see  the  dear  creature  pinched  with 
the  frost,  and  mincing  his  steps  along  the  Mall — with  his 
pretty  little  innocent  face — 1  vow  1  don't  know  what  to 
play — and  so,  me'm,  while  1  was  talking  to  Captain  Flim- 
sey — your  la'ship  knows  Captain  Flimsey — nothing  but 
rubbish  in  my  hand — I  can't  help  it — and  so,  me'm,  five 
odious  frights  of  dogs  beset  my  poor  little  Pompey — the 
dear  creature  has  the  heart  of  a  lion,  but,  but  who  can 
resist  five  at  once  ? — And  so  Pompey  barked  for  assist- 
ance— the  hurt  he  received  was  upon  his  chest — the  doc- 
tor would  not  advise  him  to  venture  out  till  the  wound 
was  healed,  for  fear  of  an  inflammation — Pray,  what's 
trumps?" 

Sir  C.  My  dear,  you'd  make  a  n:;ost  excellent  actress. 

Lady  R.  Well,  now  let's  go  to  rest ; — but.  Sir  Charles, 
how  shockingly  you  played  that  last  rubber,  when  1  stood 
looking  over  you! 

Sir  C.  My  love,  I  played  the  truth  of  the  game. 

Lady  R.  No,  indeed,  my  dear,  you  played  it  wrong. 

Sir  C.  Pho!   nonsense!    you  don't  understand  it  ! 

Lady  R.  I  beg  your  pardon,  I'm  allowed  tc;  play  better 
than  you  ! 


18  THREE   WEEKS   AFTER   MARRIAGE  Act  I 

Sir  C.  All  conceit,  my  dear,  I  was  perfectly  right. 

Lady  R.  No  such  thing,  Sir  Charles,  the  diamond  was 
the  play. 

Sir  C.  Pho !  pho  !  ridiculous  !  the  club  was  the  card 
against  the  world ! 

Lady  R.  Oh  !  no,  no,  no — I  say  it  was  the  diamond ! 

Sir  C.  Zounds  !  madam,  I  say  it  was  the  club  ! 

Lady  R.  What  do  you  fly  into  such  a  passion  for? 

Sir  C.  'Sdeath  and  fury  !  do  you  think  I  don't  know 
what  I'm  about?  I  tell  you  once  more,  the  club  was  the 
judgment  of  it ! 

Lady  R.  May  be  so ; — have  it  your  own  way  ! 

[  Walks  about  and  sings. 

Sir  C.  Vexation  !  you're  the  strangest  woman  that  ever 
lived  !  there's  no  conversing  with  you  ! — Look'ye  here, 
my  Lady  Racket — it's  the  clearest  case  in  the  world,  I'll 
make  it  plain  in  a  moment. 

Lady  R.  Well,  sir  !  ha  !  ha  !  ha  ! 

[  With  a  sneering  laugh. 

Sir  C.  I  had  four  cards  left — a  tnimp  was  led — they 
were  six ; — no,  no,  no,  they  were  seven,  and  we  nine  ; — 
then  you  know — the  beauty  of  the  play  was  to — 

Lady  R.  Well,  now  it's  amazing  to  me  that  you  can't 
pee  it ! — give  me  leave.  Sir  Charles, — your  left  hand  ad- 
versary had  led  his  last  trump, — and  he  had  before  finess- 
ed the  club,  and  roughed  the  diamond; — now  if  you  had 
put  on  your  diamond — 

Sir  C.  Zounds  !  madam,  but  we  played  for  the  odd 
trick. 

Lady  R.  And  sure  the  play  for  the  odd  trick — 

Sir  C.  Death  and  fury  !   can't  you  hear  me  ? 

Lady  R.  Go  on,  sir. 

Sir  C.  Zounds  !  hear  me,  I   say  ! — Will  you  hear  me  ? 

Lady  R.  I  never  heard  the  like  in  n  y  life  ! 

\Hums  a  tune,  and  walks  about  fretfully. 

Sir  C  Why,  then,  you  are  enough  to  provoke  the  pa- 
tience of  a  stoic.  [  Looks  at  her,  and  she  tvalks  about,  and 
laughs  uneasily.]  Very  well,  madam  ; — you  know  no  more 
of  the  game  tlian  your  father's  leaden  Hercules,  on  the 
top  of  the  house. — You  know  no  more  of  whist,  than  he 
does  t)f  gardening. 

Lady  R.  Ha  !  ha  !  ha  ! 

[  Takes  out  a  glass,  and  settles  her  hair. 


Scene  I.]  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  4J? 

Sir  C.  You're  a  vile  woman,  and  I'll  not  sleep  another 
night,  under  the  same  roof  with  you  ! 

Lady  R-  As  you  please,  sir. 

Sir  C.  Madam,  it  shall  be  as  I  please  ! — I'll  order  my 
chariot  this  moment — [Going,  k.] — I  know  how  the  cards 
should  be  played  as  well  as  any  man  in  England,  that  let 
me  tell  you!  [Going,  r.]  And  when  your  family  were 
standing  behind  counters,  measuring  out  tape,  and  barter- 
ing for  VVhitechapel  needles,  my  ancestors,  madam,  my 
ancestors  were  squandering  away  whole  estates  at  cards  ; 
whole  estates,  my  Lady  Racket.  [She  hums  a  tune,  and 
he  looks  at  her.^  Why,  then,  by  all  that's  dear  to  me,  I'll 
never  exchange  another  word  with  you,  good,  bad,  or  in- 
different ! — Look'ye,  my  Lady  Racket,  thus  it  stood — the 
trump  being  led,  it  was  then  my  business — 

Lady  R.  To  play  the  diamond,  to  be  sure. 

Sir  C.  Damn  it !  I  have  done  with  you  for  ever,  and 
BO  you  may  tell  your  father  !  [Exit,  n. 

Lady  R.  What  a  passion  the  gentleman's  in  !  ha !  ha  ! 
[Laughs  in  a  peevish  f?ianner] — I  promise  him,  I'll  not 
give  up  my  judgment. 

Re-enter  Sir  Charles,  r. 

Sir  C.  My  Lady  Racket,  look'ye,  ma'am  ; — once  more, 
out  of  pure  good-nature — 

Lady  R.  Sir,  I  am  convinced  of  your  good-nature. 

Sir  C.  That,  and  that  only,  prevails  with  me  to  tell  you, 
the  club  was  the  play. 

Lady  R.  Well,  be  it  so  ; — I  have  no  objection. 

Sir  C.  It's  the  clearest  point  in  the  world  ; — we  were 
nine,  and — 

Lady  R.  And  for  that  very  reason  : — You  know  the 
club  was  the  best  in  the  house. 

Sir  C.  There  is  no  such  thing  as  talking  to  you. — 
You're  a  base  woman  ! — I'll  part  from  you  for  ever  ;  you 
may  live  here  with  your  father,  and  admire  his  fantastical 
evergreens,  till  you  grow  as  fantastical  yourself — I'll  set 
out  for  London  this  instant !  [Stoj)s  at  the  door.\  The  club 
was  not  the  best  in  the  house. 

Lady  R.  How  calm  you  are  !  Well  !  I'll  go  to  bed  ; 
— will  you  come  ? — You  had  better, — come,  then  ; — you 
shall  come  to  bed. — Not  come  to  bed,  when  I  ask  you? 
Poor  Sir  Charles  !  [Looks  and  laugh*,  then  Exit,  l. 


20  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  [Act  II 

Sir  C.  That  ease  is  provoking!  \ Crosses  f.c  l.]  I  tell 
you  the  rliamond  was  not  the  play,  and  here  I  take  my 
final  leave  of  you.  [  JValks  hack  as  fast  as  he  can.]  I  am 
res(jlved  upon  it,  and  1  know  the  club  was  not  the  best  in 
the  house.  [Exit,  r. 

END    OP    ACT    I. 


ACT      II. 

Scene  I. — A  Room. 
Enter  Dimity,  h. 

Dim.  Ha  !  ha  !  ha  !  Oh  !  heavens  !  I  shall  expire  in 
a  fit  of  laughing; — this  is  the  modish  couple  that  were  so 
happy — such  a  quarrel  as  they  have  had, — the  whole 
house  is  in  an  uproar — ha  !  ha  !  a  rai-e  proof  of  the  hap- 
piness they  enjoy  in  high  life  !  I  shall  never  hear  peo- 
ple of  fashion  mentioned  again,  but  1  shall  be  ready  to  die 
in  a  fit  of  laughter; — ho!  ho!  ho  ! — This  is  Three 
Weeks  After  Marriage,  I  think. 

Enter  Drugget,  r. 

Drug.  Hey  !  how  !  What's  the  mattex',  Dimity  1 — 
What  am  I  called  down  stairs  for  ? 

Dij?i.   Why,  there's  two  people  of  fashion — 

[Stifles  a  la^tgJi. 

Drug.  Why,  you  saucy  minx  ! — Explain,  this  moment ! 

Dim.  The  fond  couple  have  been  together  by  the  ears 
this  half  hour: — Are  you  satisfied  now? 

Drug.  Eh  ! — What,  have  they  quan'elled  1 — What  was 
it  about  1 

Dim.  Something  above  my  comprehension,  and  yours 
too,  I  believe.  People  in  high  life  understand  their  own 
forms  best : — And  here  comes  one  that  can  unriddle  the 
whole  affair.  [  Exit,  l. 

Enter  Sir  Charles,  r. 

Sir  C.  [  To  the  people  wtthin.]  I  say,  let  the  horses  be 
put  to  this  moment, — So,  Mr.  Drugget — 


Scene  I.]  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  21 

Drvg.  Sir  Charles,  here's  a  terrihlo  bustle— I  did  no* 
expect  this. — What  can  be  the  matter? 

tSlr  C.  I  have  been  used  by  your  daui^htcr  in  so  l)asc, 
so  contemptuous  a  manner,  that  1  am  delcriTiined  not  to 
stay  in  this  house  to-nitrht. 

Drug.  This  is  a  thunderbolt  to  me  !  after  seeinq  liow 
elegantly  and  fashionably  you  lived  togcllier,  fo  fnul  now 
ail  sunshine  vanished  !  Do,  Sir  Charles,  let  me  heal  this 
breach,  if  possible. 

Sir  C.  Sir,  'tis  impossible  ! — I'll  not  live  with  lier  a  day 
longer ! 

Drvg.  Nay,  nay,  don't  be  over  hasty,  let  me  entreat 
you — go  to  bed  and  sleep  upon  it, — in  the  moiuing,  when 
you're  cool — 

Sir  C.  Oh,  sir,  I  am  very  cool,  I  assure  you,  ha  !  ha! — 
it  is  not  in  her  power,  sir,  to — a — a — to  disturb  the  se- 
renity of  my  temper. — Don't  imagine  tliat  I'm  in  a  pas- 
sion ! — I'm  not  so  easily  ruffled  as  you  may  imagine ! — 
But,  quietly  and  deliberately,  I  can  rej)ay  the  injuries  done 
me  by  a  false,  ungrateful,  deceitful  wife. 

Drug.  The  injuries  done  you  by  a  false,  Uiigrateful 
wife  !      Not  my  daughter,  I  hope  1 

Sir  C.  Her  character  is  now  fully  known  tome; — she'a 
a  vile  woman  !   that's  all  I  have  to  say,  sir. 

Drvg.  Hey  !  how  ! — A.  vile  woman  ? — What  has  she 
done? — I  hope  she  is  not  capable — 

Sir  C.  I  shall  enter  into  no  detail,  INIr.  Drugget ;  the 
time  and  circumstances  won't  allow  it  at  jnesent.  IJut, 
depend  upon  it,  I  have  done  with  her; — a  low,  unjiolish- 
ed,  uneducated,  false,  imposing — See  if  the  horses  are  put 
to.  [  Ca//i?/g  ojf,  K. 

Drug    Mercy  on  me  !  in  my  old  days  to  hear  iliis ! 

Enter  Mrs.  Drugget,  l. 

Mrs.  D.  Deliver  me  !  I  am  all  over  in  such  a  tremble ! 
Sir  Charles,  I  shall  break  my  heart  if  there's  anything 
amiss. 

Sir  C.  Madam,  1  am  very  sorry,  for  your  sake  ; — but 
there  is  no  possibility  of  living  with  lier. 

3Irs.  D.  My  jKKjr,  dear  girl  !   what  can  she  have  done! 

Sir  C.  What  all  her  sex  can  do ;  the  very  spirit  of 
them  all. 


22  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER   MARRIAGE.  [Aax  II. 

Drug.  Ay  !  ay  !  ay  ! — She's  bringing  foul  disgrace  up« 
on  us. — This  comes  of  her  manying  a  man  Cif  fasliion  ! 

Sir  C.  Fashion,  sir ! — that  should  have  instructed  her 
better; — she  might  have  been  sensible  of  her  happiness. 
Whatever  you  may  think  of  the  fortune  you  gave  her,  my 
rank  commands  respect — claims  obedience,  attention, 
truth,  and  love,  from  one  raised  in  the  w^orld,  as  she  has 
been,  by  an  alliance  with  me. 

Drug.  And  let  me  tell  you,  however  you  may  estimate 
your  quality,  my  daughter  is  dear  to  me. 

Sir  C.  And,  sir,  my  character  is  dear  to  me. 

Drug.  Yet-you  must  give  me  leave  to  tell  you — 

Sir  C.  I  won't  hear  a  word. 

Drug.  Not  in  behalf  of  my  own  daughter? 

Sir  C.  No  !  no  !  no  ! 

Drus;.  But,  sir,  I  have  a  ris:ht  to  ask — 

Mrs.  D.  Patience,  my  dear,  be  a  little  calm. 

Drug.  Mrs.  Drugget,  do  you  have  patience — I  must 
and  will  inquire. 

Mrs.  D.  Don't  be  so  hasty,  my  love  ;  have  some  respect 
for  Sir  Charles's  rank ;  don't  be  violent  with  a  man  of  his 
fashion. 

Drug.  Hold  your  tongue,  woman,  I  say — you're  not 
a  person  of  fashion,  at  least.  [To  Sir  C]  My  daughter 
was  ever  a  good  girl. 

Sir  C.  I  have  found  her  out. 

Drug.  Oh  !  then  it  is  all  over — and  it  does  not  signify 
arguing  about  it. 

Mrs.  D.  That  ever  I  should  live  to  see  this  hour ! — 
How  the  unfortunate  girl  could  take  such  wickedness  in 
her  head,  I  can't  imagine — I'll  go  and  speak  to  the  un- 
happy creature  this  moment.  [Exit,  i.. 

Sir  C.  She  stands  detected  now — detected  in  her 
truest  colours. 

Drug.  Well,  grievous  as  it  may  be,  let  me  hear  the 
circumstances  of  this  unhappy  business. 

jS;V  C.  Ml*.  Diugget,  I  have  not  leisure  now — but  her 
beiiaviour  has  been  so  exasperating,  that  I  shall  make  the 
best  of  my  way  to  town.  My  mind  is  fixed — she  sees  me 
no  more  ;   and  so,  your  servant,  sir.  \^Exit,  k. 

Drug.  What  a  calamity  has  here  befallen  us  ! — a  good 
girl,  and  so  well  disposed,  till  the  evil  communication  of 
high  life,  and  fashionable  vices,  turned  her  to  folly. 


ScEWE  I.]  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  23 

Enter  Lovelace,  i,. 

Love.  Joy  !  joy  !   Mr.  Drugget,  I  give  you  joy  ! 

Drug.   Don't  insult  me,  sir  !   I  desire  you  won't. 

Loi:c.  Insult  you,  sir  !  is  there  anything  insulting,  my 
dear  sir,  if  I  take  the  liberty  to  congratulate  you  on — 

Drug.  There  !  there  !  the  manners  of  high  life  for  you  ! 
He  thinks  there's  nothing  in  all  this — the  ill  behaviour  of 
a  wife  he  thinks  an  ornament  to  her  character  ! — JMr. 
Lovelace,  you  shall  have  no  daughter  of  mine. 

Love.  My  dear  sir,  never  bear  malice. — I  have  recon- 
sidered the  thing,  and  curse  catch  me,  if  I  don't  think 
your  notion  of  the  Guildhall  giants,  and  the  Court  of  Al- 
dermen in  hornbeam — 

Drug.  Well  !  well  !  well  !  there  may  be  people  at  the 
court  end  of  the  town  in  hornbeam,  too. 

Love.  Yes,  faith,  so  there  may — and  I  believe  I  could 
recommend  you  to  a  tolerable  collection.  However,  with 
your  daughter  I  am  ready  to  venture — 

Drug.  But  I  am  not  ready — I'll  not  venture  my  girl 
with  you  ; — no  more  daughters  of  mine  shall  have  their 
minds  depraved  by  polite  vices. 

Enter  Woodley,  r. 

Mr.  Woodley,  you  shall  have  Nancy  to  your  wife,  as  I 
promised  you — take  her  to-mori'ow  morning. 

Wood.  Sir,  I  have  not  words  to  express — 

Love.  What  the  devil  is  the  matter  with  the  old  haber- 
dasher now  ? 

Drug.  And  hark  ye,  Mr.  AVoodlcy — I'll  make  you  a 
present,  for  your  garden,  of  a  coronation  dinner  in  greens, 
with  the  champion  riding  on  horseback,  and  the  sword 
will  be  full  grown  before  April  next. 

Wood.  I  shall  receive  it,  sir,  as  your  favour. 

Drug.  Ay,  ay  !  I  see  my  error  in  wanting  an  alliance 
with  great  folks.  I  had  rather  have  you,  Mr.  Wondley, 
for  my  son-in-law,  than  any  courtly  fop  of 'cm  all.  Is  this 
man  gone? — Is  Sir  Charles  gone? 

Wood.  Not  yet — he  makes  a  bawling  yonder  for  his 
horses. — I'll  step  and  call  him  to  yoj.  \P2.vit,  r. 

Drug.  I  am  out  of  all  patience — I  am  out  of  my  senses 
—I  must  see  him  once  more.     Mr.  Lovelace,  neither  you 


24  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER   MARRIAGE.  [Act  II 

nor  any  person  of  fashion,  shall  i-uin  another  daughter  of 
mine.  [Extt,  r. 

Love.  Droll,  this  !  damned  droll!  and  every  syllable  of 
it  Arabic  to  me  : — the  queer  old  putt  is  as  whimsical  in 
his  notions  of  life  as  of  gardening.  If  this  be  the  case,  I'll 
binish,  and  leave  him  to  his  exotics.  [Exit,  r. 

Enter  Lady  Racket,  Mrs.  Drugget,  and  Dimity,  l. 

Eady  R.  A  cruel,  barbarous  man  !  to  quarrel  in  this 
unaccountable  manner;  to  alarm  the  whole  house,  and 
expose  me  and  himself  too. 

Mrs.  D.  Oh  !  child,  I  never  thought  it  would  have  come 
to  this — your  shame  won't  end  here  !  it  will  be  all  over  St. 
James's  parish  before  to-moiTOw  morning. 

Lady  R.  Well,  if  it  must  be  so,  there's  one  comfort — 
the  story  will  tell  more  to  his  disgrace  than  mine. 

Dim.  As  I'm  a  sinner,  so  it  will,  madam.  He  desei"ves 
what  he  has  met  with,  I  think. 

Mrs.  D.  Dimity,  don't  you  encourage  her — you  shock 
me  to  hear  you  speak  so — I  did  not  think  you  had  been 
so  hardened. 

Lady  R.  Hai'dened,  do  you  call  it  ? — I  have  lived  in 
the  world  to  very  little  purpose,  if  such  trifles  as  these  are 
to  disturb  my  rest. 

Mrs.  D.  You  wicked  girl ! — Do  you  call  it  a  trifle  to 
be  guilty  of  a  falsehood  to  your  husband  1 

Lady  R.  How  !  [  Turns  short,  and  stares  at  7icr.]  Well, 
I  protest  and  vow  I  don't  comprehend  all  this.  Has  Sir 
Charles  accused  me  of  any  impropriety  in  my  conduct? 

Mrs.  D.  Oh  !  too  true,  he  has — he  has  found  you  out, 
and  you  have  behaved  basely,  he  says. 

Lady  R.  Madam  ! 

Mrs.  D.  You  have  fallen  into  frailty,  like  many  others 
of  your  sex,  he  says ;  and  he  is  resolved  to  come  to  a 
separation  directly. 

Lady  R.  Why,  then,  if  he  is  so  base  a  wretch  as  to 
dishonour  me  in  that  manner,  his  heart  shall  ache  before 
I  live  with  him  again. 

Dim.  Hold  to  that,  ma'am,  and  let  his  head  aolie  into 
the  bargain. 

Lady  R.  Tlien  let  your  doors  be  opened  for  him  this 
very   moment. — Let  him  return  to  London — if  he  does 


Scene  I.J  THREE   WEEKS   AFTER   MARRIAGE.  25 

not,  I'll  lock  myself  up,  and  the  false  one  shan't  approach 
me,  though  he  beg  on  his  knees  at  my  very  door — a  base, 
mjurious  man  !  [Exit,  l. 

Mrs.  D.  Dimity,  do  follow,  and  hear  what  she  has  to 
say  for  herself. 

Dim.  She  has  excuse  enough,  I  warrant  her. — What  a 
noise  is  here,  indeed  !  I  have  lived  in  polite  families, 
where  there  was  no  such  bustle  made  about  nothing. 

[Exit,  L 

Enter  Sir  Charles  and  Drugget,  r. 

Sir  C.  'Tis  in  vain,  sir  :  my  resolution  is  taken. 

Drug.  Well,  but  consider,  I  am  her  father — indulge  me 
only  till  we  hear  what  the   girl  has  to  say  in  her  defence. 

Sir  C.  She  can  have  nothing  to  say — no  excuse  can 
palliate  such  behaviour. 

Drug.  Don't  be  too  positive — there  may  be  some  mis- 
take. 

Sir  C.  No  mistake — did  I  not  see  her,  hear  her  myself? 

Drug.   Lackaday  !   then  I  am  an  unfortunate  man  ! 

Sir  C.  She  will  be  unfortunate,  too — with  all  my  heart 
— she  may  thank  herself — she  might  have  been  happy, 
had  she  been  so  disposed. 

Drug.  Why,  truly,  I  think  she  might. 

Mrs.  D.  I  wish  you'd  moderate  your  anger  a  little,  and 
let  us  talk  over  this  affair  with  temper — my  daughter  de- 
nies every  tittle  of  your  charge. 

Sir  C.  Denies  it !  denies  it ! 

Mrs.  D.  She  does,  indeed. 

Sir  C.  And  that  aggravates  her  fault. 

M?-s.  D.  She  vows  you  never  found  her  out  in  anything 
that  was  wrong. 

Sir  C.  So  !  she  does  not  allow  it  to  be  wrong,  then  ? — 
Ma'am,  I  tell  you  again,  I  know  her  thoroughly ;  I  say,  I 
have  found  her  out,  and  I  am  now  acquainted  with  her 
character. 

iMrs.  D.  Then  you  are  in  opposite  stories — she  swears, 
my  dear  Mr.  Drugget,  the  poor  girl  swears  she  never  was 
guilty  of  the  smallest  infidelity  to  her  husband  in  her  bom 
days. 

Sir  C.  And  what  then? — w^hat  if  she  does  say  so  ? 

Mrs.  D.  And  if  she  says  truly,  it  is  hard  her  character 
ebould  be  blevni  upon  without  just  cause. 


26  THREE   WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE,  [Aci  II. 

Sir  C.  And  is  she,  therefore,  to  behave  il'  in  other  re- 
spects 1  I  never  charged  her  w^ith  intideUty  to  me,  ma- 
dam— there  I  allow  her  innocent. 

Drug.  And  did  you  not  charge  her,  then  ? 

Sir  C.  No,  sir  !    I  never  dreamt  of  such  a  thing. 

Drug.  Why,  then,  if  she's  innocent,  let  me  tell  you, 
you  are  a  scandalous  person. 

Mrs.  D.  Prythee,  my  dear — 

Drug.  Be  quiet. — Though  he  is  a  man  of  quality,  I  will 
tell  him  of  it.  Did  I  not  fine  for  sheriff? — Yes,  you  are  a 
scandalous  person,  to  defame  an  honest  man's  daughter. 

Sir  C  What  have  you  taken  into  your  head  now? 

Drug.  You  charged  her  with  falsehood  to  your  bed. 

Sir  C.  No  ;  never,  never  ! 

Drug.  But  I  say  you  did :  you  called  yourself  a  cuck- 
old— did  not  he,  wife  ? 

Mrs.  D.  Yes,  lovey,  I'm  witness. 

Sir  C.  Absurd  !  I  said  no  such  thing. 

Drug.  But  I  aver  you  did. 

Mrs.  D.  You  did,  indeed,  sir. 

Sir  C.  But  I  tell  you  no — positively,  no  !  • 

Drug.  Sf  Mrs.  D.  And  I  say,  yes — positively,  yes  ! 

Sir  C  'Sdeath,  this  is  all  madness — 

Drug.  You  said  she  followed  the  ways  of  most  of  her 
sex. 

Sir  C.  I  said  so — and  what  then  ? 

Drug.  There,  he  owns  it — owns  that  he  called  himself 
a  cuckold — and  without  rhyme  or  reason,  into  the  bargain. 

Sir  C.  I  never  owned  any  such  thing! 

Drug.  Y'^ou  owned  it  even  now — now — now  ! 

Enter  Dimitv,  l.,  in  a  Jit  of  laughing. 

Dim.  What  do  you  think  it  was  all  about  ? — ha!  ha! 
the  whole  secret  is  come  out,  ha  !  ha  ! — It  was  all  about 
a  game  of  cards — ha  !  ha  ! — 

Drug.  A  game  of  cards  ! 

Dim.  [Laughing.^  It  was  all  about  a  club  and  a  dia- 
mond. [Runs  out  laughing,  r. 

Drug    And  was  that  all.  Sir  Charles  1 

Sir  G.  And  enough,  too,  sir — 

Drug.  And  was  that  what  you  found  her  out  lo  ? 

Sir  C.  I  can't  bear  to  be  contradicted,  when  I'm  cleai 
that  I'm  in  the  right. 


Scene  II.]  THREE    WEEKS   AFTER    MARRIAGE.  27 

Drvg.  I  never  heard  such  a  heap  of  nonsense  ir.  all  my 
tife  !      Wliy  does  he  not  go  and  beg  her  pardon,  then  ] 

Sh-  C.  1  beg  her  pardon  !  I  won't  debase  myself  to  any 
of  you — I  shan't  forgive  her,  you  may  rest  assured. 

[Exit,  R. 

Drug.  Now,  there — there's  a  pretty  fellow  for  you  ! 

Mrs.  D.  I'll  step  and  prevail  on  my  Lady  Racket  to 
speak  to  him — then  all  will  be  well.  [Exit,  l. 

Drug.  A  ridiculous  fop !  I'm  glad  it's  no  worse,  how- 
ever. 

Enter  Nancy,  l. 

So,  Nancy — you  seem  in  confusion,  my  girl ! 

Nan.  How  can  one  help  it  ? — with  all  this  noise  in  the 
house  ;  and  you  are  going  to  many  me  as  ill  as  my  sister. 
I  hate  Mr.  Lovelace. 

Drug.  Why  so,  child  ? 

Non.  I  know  these  people  of  quality  despise  us  all  out 
of  pride,  and  would  be  glad  to  marry  us  out  of  avarice. 

Drug.   The  girl's  right. 

Nan.  They  many  one  woman,  live  with  another,  and 
love  only  themselves — 

Drug.  And  then  quarrel  about  a  card. 

Nan.  I  don't  want  to  be  a  gay  lady — I  want  to  be 
happy. 

Drug.  And  so  you  shall — don't  fright  yourself,  child, — 
step  to  your  sister;  bid  her  make  herself  easy — go,  and 
comfort  her — go. 

Nan.  Yes,  sir.  [Exit,  l. 

Drug.  I'll  step  and  settle  the  matter  with  Mr.  Wood- 
ley  this  moment.  [Exit,  r. 

Scene  II. — A  Boom. 

Sir  Charles  discovered  seated  at  a  Tahle,  with  a  pack  of 
cards  in  7iis  liand. 

Sir  C.  Never  was  anything  like  her  behaviour. — I  can 
pick  out  the  very  cards  I  had  in  my  hand,  and  then  'tis 
as  plain  as  the  sun — there,  now — there  ; — no,  damn  it ; — 
no — no — there  it  was — now  let's  see — they  had  four  by 
honours — and  we  played  for  the  odd  trick — damnation  ! — 
honours  were  divided — ay  ! — honours  were  divided — and 
then  a  trump  was  led — and  the  other  side  had  the — con- 


28  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  [Act  II. 

fusion  ! — this  preposterous  woman  has  put  it  all  out  of  my 
head  !  [Puts  the  cards  into  his  pocket.]  Mighty  well,  ma- 
dam; 1  have  done  with  you. 

Enter  Mrs.  Drugget,  l. 

Mrs.  D.  Come,  Sir  Charles,  let  me  prevail — come  with 
me,  and  speak  to  her. 

Sir  C.  I  don't  desire  to  see  her  face. 

Mrs.  D.  If  you  were  to  see  her  all  bathed  in  tears,  I 
am  sure  it  would  melt  your  very  heart. 

Sir  C.  Madam,  it  shall  be  my  fault  if  ever  I  am  treated 
so  again — I'll  have  nothing  to  say  to  her.  [Going,  r.,  stops.] 
Does  she  give  up  the  point  1 

Mrs.  D.   She  does  :  she  agrees  to  anything. 

Sir  C.  Does  she  allow  that  the  club  was  the  play? 

Mrs.  D.  Just  as  you  please — she's  all  submission. 

Sir  C.  Does  she  own  that  the  club  was  not  the  best  in 
the  house  ? 

Mrs.  D.  She  does — she  does. 

Sir  C.  Then  I'll  step  and  speak  to  her. — I  never  was 
clearer  in  anything  in  my  life.  [Exit,  l. 

Mrs.  D.  Lord  love  'em,  they'll  make  it  up  now — and 
then  they'll  be  as  happy  as  ever.  [Exit,  l. 

Enter  Drugget,  r.,  and  Dimity,  l. 

Drug.  So !  Any  news  from  above  stairs  ?  Is  this  ab- 
surd quarrel  at  an  end  1     Have  they  made  it  up? 

Dim.  Oh !  a  mere  bagatelle,  sir — these  little  fracas 
among  the  better  sort  of  people,  never  last  long — elegant 
trifles  cause  elegant  disputes,  and  they  come  together  ele- 
gantly again — as  you  see — for  here  they  come,  in  perfect 
good  humour.  [Exit,  l. 

Enter  Sir  Charles,  Lady  Racket,  and  Mrs.  Drugget,  l. 

Sir  C.  Mr.  Di-ugget,  I  embrace  you  :  Sir,  you  see  me 
now  in  the  most  perfect  hai-mony  of  spirits. 

Drug.  What,  all  reconciled  again  ? 

Lady  R.  All  made  up,  sir — I  knew  how  to  bring  him 
to  my  lure.  This  is  the  first  difference,  I  think,  we  ever 
had.  Sir  Charles. 

Sir  C.   And  I'll  be  sworn  it  shall  be  the  iast. 

Drug.  I  am  happy  at  last.     Sir  Charles,   I  can  spare 


ScKWE  v.]  THREE  WEEKS  AFTER  MARRIAGE.  29 

you  an  image,  to  put  on  the  top  of  your  house  in  London 

Sir  C   Infinitely  obliged  to  you. 

Drvg.  Well!  well! — it's  time  to  retire,  now — I  am 
glad  to  see  you  reconciled — and  now  I'll  wish  you  a  good 
night.  Sir  Charles — fare  ye  well,  both — I  am  glad  your 
quarrels  are  at  an  end.     "This  way. 

[Exeunt  Mr.  and  Mrs.  D.,  R. 

Lady  R.  Ah  !  you  're  a  sad  man,  Sir  Charles,  to  be 
have  to  me  as  you  have  done. 

Sir  C.  My  dear,  I  grant  it — and  such  an  absurd  quar- 
rel, too — ha  !  ha  ! 

Lady  R.  Yes — ha!  ha! — about  such  a  trifle  ! 

Sir  C.  It's  pleasant  how  we  could  both  fall  into  such  an 
error — ha  !   ha  ! 

Lady  R.  Ridiculous  beyond  expression — ha  !   ha  ! 

Sir  C.  And  then  the  mistake  your  father  and  mother 
fell  into — ha  !  ha  ! 

Lady  R.  That,  too,  is  a  diveiting  part  of  the  story — 
ha  !  ha! — But,  Sir  Charles,  must  I  stay  and  live  with  my 
father  till  I  gi'ow  as  fantastical  as  his  own  evergreens  ? 

Sir  C.  No,  no  ;  prythee,  don't  remind  n:e  of  my  folly. 

Lady  R.  Ah  !  "  my  relations  were  all  standing  behind 
counters,  selling  Whitechapel  needles,  while  your  family 
were  spending  great  estates." 

Sir  C.  Nay,  nay,  spare  my  blushes. 

Lady  R.  How  could  you  say  so  harsh  a  thing  ? — I  don't 
ove  you. 

Sir  C.  It  was  indelicate,  I  grant  it. 

Lady  R.  Am  la"  vile  woman  1" 

Sir  C.  How  can  you,  my  angel — 

Lady  R.  I  shan't  forgive  you  ! — I'll  have  you  on  your 
knees  for  this.  \ Sings,  and  plays  with /tim.]  "  Go,  naughty 
man." — Ah  !   Sir  Charles. 

Sir  C.  The  rest  of  my  life  shall  aim  at  convincing  you 
now  sincerely  I  love — 

Lady  R.  [Sings.\  "  Go,  naughty  man,  I  can't  abide 
you."  Well;  come,  let  us  go  to  rest.  \ Going,  i..]  Ah  I 
Sir  Charles,  now  it  is  all  over,  the  diamond  Avas  the  play. 

Sir  C.  Oh  !  no,  no,  no,  my  dear — ha  !  ha  !  ha  ! — it  waa 
the  club,  indeed. 

Lady  R.  Indeed,  my  love,  you're  mistaken. 

Sir  C.  No !  no,  no,  no  I 


30  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER    MARRIAGE.  [Act  {I. 

Lady  R.  But  I  say,  yes,  yes,  yes  !         \Both  laughing. 
Sir  C.  Pshaw!  no  such  thing — ha!    ha! 
Jjady  R.  'Tis  so,  indeed — ha  !   ha  ! 

Sir  C  No,  no,  no — you'll  make   me  die  with  laughing. 
Lady  R.  Ay,  and  you  make  me   augh,  too — ha  !  ha ! 

[  Toying  with  him. 

Enter  Footman,  r. 

Foot.  Your  honour's  cap  and  slippers. 

Sir  C.  Ay,  lay  down  my  night-cap — and  here,  take 
these  shoes  off.  [He  takes  them  off,  and  leaves  them  at  a 
distance.]  Indeed,  my  Lady  Racket,  you  make  me  ready 
to  expire  with  laughing — ha  !  ha ! 

Lady  R.  You  may  laugh — but  I'm  right,  notwithstand- 
ing. 

Sir  C.  How  can  you  say  so  ? 

Lady  R.   How  can  you  say  otherwise  ? 

Sir  C.  Well,  now  mind  me,  my  Lady  Racket — we  can 
now  talk  of  this  matter  in  good  humour — we  can  discuss 
it  coolly — 

Lady  R.  So  we  can,  and  it's  for  that  reason  I  venture 
to  speak  to  you — are  these  the  ruffles   I  bought  for  you  ? 

Sir  C.  They  are,  my  dear. 

Lady  R.  They  are  very  pretty — but,  indeed,  you  play- 
ed the  wrong  card. 

.*5?V  C.  How  can  you  talk  so  !  \  Somewhat  peevish. 

Lady  R.  See  there,  now — 

Sir  C.  Listen  to  me — this  was  the  affair — 

Lady  R.  Pshaw  !  fiddlestick  !  hear  me  first. 

Sir  C.  Pho — no — damn  it,  let  me  speak  ! 

Lady  R.  Very  well,  sir;  fly  out  again. 

Sir  C.  Look  here,  now — here's  a  pack  of  cards — now 
you  shall  be  convinced — 

Lady  R.  You  may  talk  till  to-moirow ;  I  know  I'm 
right.  [  Walks  aho2/t. 

Sir  C.  Why,  then,  by  all  that's  pei-verse,  you  are  the 
most  headstrong — Can't  you  look  here,  now  ? — here  are 
fhe  very  cards. 

Lady  R.  Go  on  ;  you'll  find  it  out  at  last. 

Sir  C  Damn  it  !  will  you  let  a  man  show  you  1  Pho  ! 
it's  all  nonsense — I'll  talk  no  more  about  it.  [Puts  up  the 
cards.\  Come,  we'll  go  to  bed.  [Going.]  Now,  only  stay 


BcEifi:  II.]  THKEE    WEEKS   AFTER    MARRIAGE.  31 

a  moment.  [Takes  out  the.  cards\  Now,  mind  me — see 
here — 

Lady  R.  No,  it  does  not  signify — your  head  will  be 
clearei'  in  the  morning — I'll  go  to  bed. 

Sir  C.  Stay  a  moment,  can't  ye  ? 

Lady  R.  No — my  head  begins  to  ache.       [Affectedly. 

Sir  C.  Why,  then,  damn  the  cards — there — there — 
[Throwing  the  cards  ahovt.\  And  there,  and  there. — Y.iu 
niay  go  to  bed  by  yourself;  and  confusion  seize  me,  if  I 
live  a  moment  longer  with  you !  [Putting  his  shoes  on 
again.]  No,  never,  madam  ! 

Lady  R.  Take  your  own  way,  sir. 

Sir  C.  Now,  then,  I'll  tell  you  once  more,  you  aie  a 
vile  woman  !  Will  you  sit  down  quietly  and  let  me  con- 
vince you  ]  [Sits, 

Lady  R.  I'm  disposed  to  walk  about,  sir. 

Sir  C.  Why,  then,  may  I  perish,  if  ever — a  blockhead 
— an  idiot  I  was  to  marry  !  [  Walks  ahout.]  Such  a  pro- 
voking— impertinent — [She  sits  down.] — Damnation  ! — I 
am  so  clear  in  the  thing — she  is  not  worth  my  notice — 
[Sits  doivn,  turns  his  back,  and  looks  uneasy.]  I'll  take  no 
more  pains  about  it.  [Pauses  for  some  time,  then  looks  at 
her.]   Is  it  not  very  strange  that  you  won't  hear  me  ? 

Lady  R.  S'ir,  I  am  very  ready  to  hear  you. 

Sir  C.  Very  well,  then — very  well — my  deal' — you  re- 
member how  the  game  stood. 

Lady  R.   I  wish  you'd  untie  my  necklace,  it  hurts  me. 

Sir  C.   Why  can't  you  listen  1 

Lady  R.   I  tell  you,  it  hurts  me  teiribly. 

Sir  C.  Why,  then,  you  may  be  as  wrong  as  you  please, 
for  I'll  be  cursed  if  I  ever  endeavour  to  set  you  light 
again.  [Exit,  r. 

Enter  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Drugget,  Woodley,  and  Nancy,  l. 

Drug.  What's  here  to  do,  now  ? 

Lady  R.  Never  was  such  a  man  boiTi.  I  did  not  say 
a  word  to  the  gentleman — and  yet  he  has  been  raving 
about  the  room  like  a  madman. 

Drug.  And  about  a  club  again,  I  suppose.  Come  hith- 
er, Nancy  :   Mi".  Woodley,  she  is  yours  for  life. 

Mrs.  D.  My  dear,  how  can  you  be  so — 

Drug.  It  shall  be  so— take  her  for  life,  Mr.  Woodley. 


32  THREE    WEEKS    AFTER   MARRIAGE.  [Act  II 

Wood.  My  whole  life  shall  be  devoted  to  h«r  happiness, 
Lady  R.  Oh  !  this  is  only  one  of  those  polite  disputes, 
which  people  of  quality,  who  have  nothing  else  to  differ 
about,  must  always  be  liable  to — this  will  all  be  made  up. 
Drug.  Never  tell  me — it's  too  late  now. — Mr.  Wood- 
ley,  I  recommend  my  girl  to  your  care — I  shall  have  no- 
thing now  to  think  of  but  my  greens,  and  my  images,  and 
my  shrubbery — though,  mercy  on  all  mairied  folks,  say 
I !  for  these  wranglings  are,  I  am  afraid,  What  we  must 
all  come  to. 

Lady  Racket,  coining  forward. 

What  we  must  all  come  to  ? — What  1 — Come  to  what  ? 

Must  broils  and  quarrels  be  the  marriage  lot? 

If  that's  the  wise,  deep  meaning  of  our  poet. 

The  man's  a  fool !  a  blockhead  !   and  I'll  show  it. 

What  could  induce  him,  in  an  age  so  nice, 

So  famed  for  virtue,  so  refined  from  vice, 

To  form  a  plan  so  trivial,  false,  and  low, 

As  if  a  belle  could  quarrel  with  a  beau  ? 

Shun  strife,  ye  fair,  and  once  a  contest  o'er. 

Wake  to  a  blaze  the  dying  flame  no  more. 

THE    EN1>. 

DISPOSITION  OF  THE  CHARACTERS  AT  THE  FALL  OF 
THE  CURTAIN 

Druo.         Mrs.  D.  Lauy  R.  Wood.         Napjct, 


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